(a rant)
"
About one out of every three people in the United States think that winning the lottery is the only way to become financially secure in their life."
- some website
OH. MY. FU*KING. GOD.
Every day millions of us Americans go to convenience stores for simple items. A cup of coffee, toiletries, to pay for gas, get blunts or zig zags to get through a hateful job, buy some diapers so our baby mommas will stop harassing us....etc.
These are things we wanna just get in, grab and be on our way in our lives.
But we can't get in and get out. Why?
Because of you goddamn people clogging up the works and playing the lottery!
It's the same every time, you're late for work or, even worse, you left ten minutes early so you could stop and grab a muffin and still get in with enough time for you boss to dress you down before you start your day, you double park, get yelled at in Thai by the elderly woman you almost hit, rush in, grab your food, head to the line and....
Lottery Player: "Ummmm....hummm...what DO I want today....okay, don't rush me now. Lemme get a quick six, two 'bingo madness' a couple of them 'cherry dollars', and then gimme the change on 'bad at math's'."
Us: Aargh!!!
Mark Of The Beast.
They're always there. They aren't investing in their future They don't believe in sound planning.
I hate the lottery and everything about it. Not only does the money
NOT got to the schools, which is how it was sold in the first place, but
the odds of winning a substantial amount of loot is less than
the odds of DATING A SUPERMODEL...and yet, if you went up to any of these schlubs and said:
You: Hey, Lartrell, I think you should try dating a super model?
Lottery Lartrell: Man, you crazy. And you slowin' me down. (To Cashier) Lemme get a 'lucky duck', a 'funny money' and three of them 'failed statistics class'.
You know who I'm talking about: Usually someone not familiar with the gym, leaning against the counter arms folded beneath their torso, faded gray "Lakers World Champions" t-shirt featuring Kurt Rambis, Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Magic Johnson, ashy heels smothering the backs of their Ice Cube from
Boys In The Hood corduroy slip ons, sweat pants snug against the cellulite with the tattered "elastic" waist barely sparing us a sight to take to our graves...and a blue tooth in the ear.
Yeah...you know.
But they keep on playing every day while you just wanna buy your stuff and get out of there. And they never win, and they keep playing. They spend probably a thousand dollars a year on lottery tickets. Extrapolate that over five years to 5k and you got yourself enough to take part in a low yield mutual fund or even by some bonds...but no, they want the lottery. All or nothing. And mostly nothing.
There's a guy I see every day in my 7-11 where I buy my morning coffee. He's slow moving, decrepit and odorous. And every morning me, six Mexican dudes wearing paint splattered white coveralls, two over-worked teachers and this one really angry middle aged white corporate guy constantly huffing and puffing... have to wait for him to finish his long slow road to ruin so we can go back out and pay taxes.
Oh he's also super friendly, which somehow makes it more enraging.
Odor Jones: "Hey hey! Another day, huh? Morning chief, off to work, huh?"
Me: (grumble that sounds vaguely like "where yo ass need to be.")
Rest of Line: Stab him so we can get out of here!
But then, If I don't go in the morning but in the afternoon, there's even more of this human cholesterol. It's even worse when I'm back home in Chicago. They're everywhere. Lottery Locusts: Those who don't believe in savings accounts.
Look, I get it that life is hard. And short. And the lottery seems like such a great way to ease the pain of modern life...
though it probably won't work for you even if you win.
And I know you wake up every day, hoping to play as a way to finally, have something to show for your time on this planet.
BUT GET OUT THE DAMN LINE!